News and views from the award-winning author of the novels The Skinny Years, America Libre, House Divided and Pancho Land

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Joe Arpaio enters Sasquatch territory

"This un-retouched photo of us near his woodland lair shows undeniable evidence of the existence of Sasquatch." --Sheriff Joe Apraio (on the right)
Well, now that Sheriff Joe Arpaio and his anonymous "Cold Case Posse" have given us irrefutable proof that President Obama’s birth certificate is fake, it appears he may have stumbled onto a lucrative new sideline in verifying wingnut myths. (Sheriff Arpaio made it clear this investigation was paid for by private donations.) With that in mind, here are some more headlines we may expect from the good sheriff and his posse in the future:

News flash: Sheriff Joe Arpaio confirms the existence of Sasquatch.

News flash: Sheriff Joe Arpaio confirms Apollo Moon missions were fake.

News flash: Sheriff Joe Arpaio uncovers Roswell alien bodies.

News flash: Sheriff Joe Arpaio proves Mr. Rogers was a Navy SEAL.

News flash: Sheriff Joe Arpaio has proof Richard Gere had gerbil in his rectum.

News flash: Sheriff Joe Arpaio proves Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite.

News flash: Sheriff Joe Arpaio proves blue whale sperm makes oceans salty. 

Back to the Obama investigation... Gasp! Who would have imagined that a sheriff accused by the Justice Department of racial profiling, under investigation for abuses of power, and widely chastised (even by other Republicans) for his neglect of sex crimes involving children would have found evidence President Obama is not a real American? This man is clearly an impartial party.

When asked why a local law enforcement official under fire for racial prejudice, abuse of power and negligence was conducting a federal level investigation, Sheriff Arpaio replied, “I’m just doing my job.”

Some things you just can’t make up. 

Raul Ramos y Sanchez